Despite the name, however, Vampire Squids are not really squids. They are more closely evolutionarily allied with octopods, but they aren’t really octopods either. Vampire Squids are evolutionary all alone residing in thier own long branch of the tree of life.

If we look at this phylogeny from Lindgreen and coauthors from 2012 based on multiple genes.

And zoom in at the upper part of the tree

Let’s zoom in a little more

You can clearly see that Vampyroteuthis infernalis resides on alone on its own evolutionary branch. It shares its last common ancestor with the octopods but this a distant relative at best. Many think the Vampire Squid may be”phylogenetic relict” the last surviving member of order cephalopods long ago extinct.

One truly is the loneliest number. While you reflect on this evolutionary and ecological isolation of the Vampire Squid enjoy these videos from the Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute.

The post The Lonely Existence of Vampire Squids first appeared on Deep Sea News.

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,

Over many a quaint and curious volume of nautical lore —

While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my office door.

“ ’Tis some visitor,” I muttered, “asking again about ocean lore —

Only this and nothing more.”

Ah, distinctly I remember it was the gray Oregon December;

And in the distance I could hear the waves crash upon the shore.

Eagerly I wished the morrow; — vainly I had sought to borrow

From my textbooks cease of sorrow — mistake of science for ocean lore—

Of the unreal and radiant mermaiden whom I really thought a bore —

Nameless here for evermore.

As the soothing and uncertain rumbling of each aqua curtain

Thrilled me — as each tidal wave washed ashore;

So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating

“There are amazing creatures in the waves beyond the shore —

Ones that far outshine the whisperings of ocean lore; —

They exist and nothing more.”

Presently my thrills grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,

I thought of the creatures which science has explored;

But the fact is the public’s asking, and marine science is ever tasking,

To know what creatures there lay upon the ocean floor,

That are far more fascinating than legend — than ocean lore; ——

The ones that science ought to explore.

Deep into that darkness peering, I thought of creatures then appearing,

In my head as thoughts of animals like none seen before;

The nudibranchs, echinoderms, cetaceans, each its own unique creation

Each one more fascinating than the one before.

This I pondered, as my imagination scanned the ocean floor —

Over undersea vents and near the shore.

First, Orcinus orca, the bringer of death, a beautiful fury with predator’s breath.

Whose artful visage many species do abhor

He spends his lifetime bound to kin, a social life that rivals men;

Who has his own dialect and vocabulary store —

A scourge to prey within the sea and upon the shore —

May he click and squeal forevermore.

In my mind’s eye I flung the shutter, when, within my thoughts did sputter,

Vampiroteuthis infernalis, the vampire squid with his black chromatophores;

Not the least obeisance made he; not a minute stopped or stayed he;

But, on the end of each pulsing limb, a glowing aqua photophore—

Lit up like a lighthouse hailing ships to safer shores —

He drifted into the abyssal darkness, vanishing forevermore.

Then traveling ever deeper, my feeble eyesight growing weaker,

A hydrothermal vent teeming with extremophiles upon the ocean floor,

Tubeworms, shellfish, bivalves, octopi, thrive in smoking hydrogen sulfide

Braving temperatures as hot as Celsius 464 —

Each animal more unique than the last, as if pulled from fiction’s store

Like no creatures seen above the ocean shore.

Much I marveled at this place as I ascended,

Arose swiftly from the ocean’s core;

As I left the zone that few human beings

Are very often blessed with seeing; I traveled from the ocean’s floor—

I thought of creatures bold and brighter, nearer to the ocean shore,

And dwelt in darkness nevermore.

Rising up to bluer waters, gave my imagination fodder

To seek out creatures who seemed nearer to imagination’s door

The blue dragon nudibranch, Glaucus atlanticus, surely from Poseidon’s corp,

Whose iridescent blue wings fluttered as the ocean waves rolled back and fore

A reminder that each marine invertebrate is more beautiful than the one before

Left me in awe forevermore.

Marveling at the ocean’s creatures, seeking out more faunal features,

I thought of the humble rockfish, who some might think to be a bore

Ambling through the waves unworried, ever calm and rarely hurried

A life which patience doth implore, he lives two centuries or more —

Oft ‘till the dirges of his tasty flesh make fisheries his burden bore

Long live the rockfish, nevermore.

But the sea’s treasures still piling, I found myself then smiling,

Thinking of the creatures creeping on the ocean floor;

Like the sunflower sea star, Pycnopodia helianthoides,

A beauty lethal, with 24 arms flush as the petals of a rosy fleur —

It feeds on countless prey within the rocky intertidal shore

A predator other invertebrates do oft deplore.

And where at once the tide grew stiller, I did then sight that knightly killer

The mighty shark which modern evolution did ignore.

Lithely swims with tail curled, with razor teeth flashing, whorled

Alas, the shark does claim no more the fiercest throne the ocean o’er

As the finning trade then sought him to gore

Swam the shark most proudly, nevermore.

Peering towards the vast horizon, two blue forms my eyes did spy on,

Swimming on like two Leviathons, those giants that I do adore,

The blue whale (B.musculus) and whale shark (Rhincodon typus)

Although the largest fish, and the whale, ne’er a larger creature did come before;

They feast on but the tiniest creatures that the ocean bore;

Merely these and nothing more.

Back ashore the tide was turning, and as I watched with youthful yearning

As the blue waves kept gliding, turning, and seafoam crept across the shore

Weary then my eyes did flutter, and I closed the textbook cover,

My mind reeling with creatures found in the sea and on the shore.

Each drop of saltwater a world alone to be explored.

The world which forms the ocean’s core.

How curious, thought I, then wondering, that one would spend time pondering

Imaginary creatures when there are already so many within the ocean’s store

Creatures wrought as if from fiction, but well within science’s diction.

Far more fabulous than fantasy could have ever bore;

To study them myself I swore, like many marine scientists before.

Long live our oceans, evermore.

The post An Oceanic Ode first appeared on Deep Sea News.

Adam Etzion wrote this about the Vampire Squid in the comments of the last post

Sit back, swish that bourbon around and contemplate the deep red velvet of your smoking jacket. Now imagine its lining being covered with spikes and leather, ready to turn into a bike gang leader’s riding gear at your whim.
That would be cool, wouldn’t it?
Know then that the Vampyroteuthis Infernalis – The Vampire Squid from Hell, can do exactly that.

While certainly not the biggest cephalopod out there, this tough little critter lives in the deep sea, dealing with immense pressures and dim-to-non-existent lighting.
Taxonomically speaking, it’s neither squid nor octopus, but a more primal relative of both.

Spread between its arms is a thick membranous skin and lining the inside of each arm is a series of spiky protrusions. When alarmed, the Vampire Squid covers its body with this mantle, essentially switching itself inside-out, the manly, phallic spikes now jutting outwards toward any badass stupid enough to challenge our deep-sea friend.

This is one invertebrate I would not be happy to meet in an aphotic alley.

How could I not include the Vampire Squid after writing like that. Besides including it here means less writing for me and more time “visiting” with the other esteemed judges.

Next we turn to the Cigarette Cone. Described by Ron:

Incognito deadliness – manly and supremely handsome, and carrying weaponry that is superb; like Sean Connery as 007 (everybody since has been a mere pretender). In the marine animal world, my vote is for Conus geographus. It kills its prey with a wonderfully functional harpoon-like hypodermic tooth [watch video above], and the LD50 of the venom to humans is anywhere from 1,000 to 10,000 times that of King Cobra venom. Whereas the King Cobra injects 10s to 100s of mg of venom, an individual of this Conus species can get you with a fraction of a microgram. Anecdotally it is called the “cigarette Cone” for the belief that if stung, you have just enough time to have a cigarette before you are forced to give up smoking permanently.

A real manly snail would allow me to smoke a cigar as opposed to cigarette before I died, but so be it. And let’s not forget Richard Dalton.

Chuck mentioned the Sand Tiger Shark (Carcharias taurus). The siblings eat each other in the womb in the ultimate uterus WWF. But I got to go with the Tiger Shark (Galeocerdo cuvier). It possesses a trait all men wish we has but do not despite all our best efforts…the ability to eat anything. Head over to my other post to read about the most manly of sharks.

@WhySharksMatter nominated the newest species of Yeti Crab, the Hoff Crab. We all know David Hasselhoff is manly. He allowed us the freedom to want a talking car to kick criminal ass and run down the beach with all of our chest hair in full sunny glory. Thank you David! The presence of Yeti Crabs at an Indian Ocean hydrothermal vents reminds us that nature also loves a hairy chest.

And last is the Colossal Squid! Now some might be shocked given my affinity for Giant Squids and the DSN logo that I would go for the Colossal Squid but here me and the judges….mmm judges…out. At half a ton this badass represents the largest invertebrate ever known. The Giant Squid is longer but not heavier. The Colossal Squid has hooks that run the length of its arms. It weighs a half ton and has hooked arms! The eye of the Colossal Squid is bigger than the Giant Squid. In fact the eye is the largest eye of any animal. FYI, Kevin belongs to a sect that believes if you stare into the giant eye you can see God. The Colossal Squid can also cloak those eyes like a Klingon Bird of Prey. Manly! Did I mention hooks? So overall the Colossal Squid is the largest invertebrate on earth with special powers that stem from its large eyes, possesses stealth technology, and massive tentacles lined with razor-sharp hooks. The Giant Squid is the cute cuddly one.

Honorable Mentions: Barnacles (we all know why), Mantis shrimp (for speed, power, and claws shaped like clubs), Seahorse (a daddy pulling equal time), Tufted Puffins (read here), Anglerfish (because the males are nothing but gonad), Lionfish (in the words of RicMac “gluttonous inhalation predator, solitary, venomous, invasive”) and of course

The post 10 Ocean Species Every Man Should Love: Part 2 first appeared on Deep Sea News.

So without further ado, the 10 reasons why Molluscs are the best.

• More body size range than any other group. The biggest invertebrate? A mollusc!  And it has hooks!
• Way over 100,000 molluscs! [Insert your comment about how there are millions of arthropods here] Blah, blah, blah…they all look the same and that is some lame estimate based on beetles.
• Fear and respect the radula
• Snails with hair.  We got them! Snails with iron.  We got them!  Snails with spikes that are just plain bad ass.  We got them to!
• They will eat your wood, suck out your innards, and gnaw on your gills!
• Hermaphrodites, multiple partners, and sequential lovin’!
• Aplacophoras…I bet you didn’t even know about these? They are like crawling bristle brushes.
• Bernoulli referred to it as the miraculous spiral and others referred to it as the golden spiral for its relation to the golden ratio and Fibonacci numbers.  The logarithmic spiral possesses unique mathematical properties such that as the size of the spiral increases the shape remains unaltered. You can’t throw a Bernoulli or a Fibonacci without hitting one in the molluscs!  Where else to they occur in metazoans?  No where!
• Because of this, this, and this!
• Vampire squids from hell!  HELL!

Make sure you stay tuned here for updates as the situation develops and the #invwar hashtag on Twitter

The post Molluscs, now with 100% more awesum first appeared on Deep Sea News.

The vampire squid (Vampyroteuthis infernalis) lives in the deep ocean, home to the largest ecosystems on our planet. A “living fossil,” this animal has remained relatively unchanged for hundreds of millions of years. The deep ocean contains what may be the greatest number of animal species, the greatest biomass, and the greatest number of individual organisms in the living world. Humans have explored the deep ocean for about 150 years, and most of what is known is based on studies of the deep seafloor. In contrast, the water column above the deep seabed comprises more than 90% of the living space, yet less than 1% of this biome has been explored. The deep pelagic biota is the largest and least-known major faunal group on Earth despite its obvious importance at the global scale. Pelagic species represent an incomparable reservoir of biodiversity. Although we have yet to discover and describe the majority of these species, the threats to their continued existence are numerous and growing. Conserving deep pelagic biodiversity is a problem of global proportions that has never been addressed comprehensively. The potential effects of these threats include the extensive restructuring of entire ecosystems, changes in the geographical ranges of many species, large-scale elimination of taxa, and a decline in biodiversity at all scales. This review provides an initial framework of threat assessment for confronting the challenge of conserving deep pelagic biodiversity; and it outlines the need for baseline surveys and protected areas as preliminary policy goals.

The post TGIF: Vampire Squid first appeared on Deep Sea News.