2. One Fish. Two Fish. Red Fish… No Fish.

3. Snow Caps Cones for Everyone.

4. Too Many Lionfish on the Dance Floor.

5. I See Deadzones.

6. No Escape from Plastic Monstas.

7. Where Have All the Coral Reefs Gone and Where are all the Cod?

8. Goodness Gracious, Great Plumes of Oil…and Mercury…and all that other crap we put in the sea.

9. I’m all alone and there’s no zooxanthellae inside me.

10. Fin.

The post 10 Reasons Why the Ocean’s Struggle is Real first appeared on Deep Sea News.

This rather graceful swimmer is a dinoflagellate. It’s the first cell of its kind to make it onto pondlife. I haven’t seen too many of them as they’re most common in salt water. Dinoflagellates have a distinctive way of swimming, a kind of lopsided twirl that this one enacts beautifully. Many dinoflagellates have complex cell coverings consisting of membranous structures and hard cellulose plates that form a protective layer called a theca. It keeps the cell safe out there in the rough ocean waters. Some don’t have a theca, and they’re ok too.

A video posted by Urban Phycology (@pondlife_pondlife) on Sep 12, 2015 at 6:10pm PDT

My immediate thoughts can be summarized with this GIF:

I can’t even. Dinoflagellate, Y U swim so crazy??? All of a sudden I’m trawling the internet for more information, and stumbled across this 2010 review paper by Tom Fenchel, on “How Dinoflagellates Swim“.

Dinoflagellates have two flagella, oriented perpendicular to each other (a transversal flagellum and a longitudinal, trailing flagellum). When these flagella are flapping at the same time, it means that the Dinoflagellate rotates in a crazy way and swims in a “helical swimming path”. Apparently this is kinetically advantagous – the Dinoflagellates can use the force and momentum of this swimming pattern to align themselves across environmental gradients, such as salinity, temperature, and chemical stimuli.

Based on the Fenchel (2001) paper, it seems like most other protists and microbes are known to swim in a helical path. So next time you’re at the beach, just think – the water around you is full of billions of microbes just spinning, and spinning, and spinning….

So what did I learn? Well, if this overhead image of Dinoflagellate swimming tracks is anything to go by, I learned that they are basically the equivalent of a drunk guy trying to follow the smell of a hot dog cart at 3am:

Reference:

Fenchel, T (2001) How Dinoflagellates Swim. Protist, 152:329-338.

The post Go home Dinoflagellate, you’re drunk first appeared on Deep Sea News.

With things such as penis fencing and massive sea hare orgies, I think we can all agree, the ocean does “it” in some pretty weird and marvelous ways. So in the spirit of sperm and gif week, I decided to compile some of the kinkiest and intriguing ocean romps, courting displays, and ‘techniques’ for your viewing pleasure. Don’t worry…it’s safe for work…No one will actually know what you are looking at and they probably won’t believe you when you tell them.

1. ‘Knock, Knock.’ ‘Who’s there?’ ‘Barnacle Penis.’ ‘Barnacle Penis whooooaaahhhh.’ Like one of those Facebook Instant Videos you just can’t stop watching, the longest member* of the animal kingdom prowls around looking for a likely mate. Being completely cemented down for almost all of their life, these crusty Casanovas had to figure out another way to carry on the family line.

2. It’s a Torpedo! It’s a Worm! Actually…it’s a penis. Well, kind of. It’s more correctly termed a hectocotylus. Once an arm attached to the male Argonaut, a group of octopus that secrets a shell known as a paper nautilus, these organs are filled with sperm and ejected in search of a female suitor. Fully detached, they can free swim in search of a female pallial cavity and copulation can ensue. The ocean is weird people.

3. Flatworms are fierce lovers. Being hermaphrodites, they have both lady bits and man bits. But because raising flatworm babies takes so much effort and energy, no one wants the responsibility. So what do they do? They gouge each other with their man bits in a battle royale unlike any other. The fastest shooter in this situation is the winner and goes on floating about sex battling other flatworms, while the loser is stuck with the real world responsibilities of taking care of the kids.

4. They might look all cute and innocent but Sea Hares are actually quite sexually promiscuous. They too are hermaphrodites and will join together in 50 shades of red to form long love chains of copulation. The impregnated individuals will then lay noodle-like pink eggs in large mats covering the ocean floor.

5. Many ocean-faring critters are Stage 5 Clingers when it comes to relationships. In certain copepod species, duration of when females can mate is a relatively small window.  Males will latch on to the females and wait till this time comes, despite how annoying this might be for the female individual. Anglerfish males are also well known for a similar behavior, however in that instance they will fuse with the female entirely and are only used as baby making machines for the rest of their existence.

6. Perhaps one of the most beautiful courtship displays is brought to us by the Cuttlefish. Male Cuttles will attempt to impress the ladies by pulsing vibrant patterns across their mantles while defending territory on the reef. After a extensive display, it’s ladies choice and the fun begins.

7. Male turtles use the small claws on their flippers to lock-in a female for mating. But what happens when you another guy comes around and thinks he’s a better suitor? Things. get. ugly…

8. I believe I can fly!! I believe all the ladies are minnnnneeee! Mobulas, or Devil Rays as they are often referred, can school in the thousands. Sometimes they are observed jumping high out of the water. Though scientists are not 100% sure on the purpose of this behavior, one of the reasons purposed is as a sort of courtship dance or proof of prowess. The higher you can jump, the better you are…fathering mobula babies.

*Proportionally the longest at 8x times the body ratio

The post This Is How We Do It first appeared on Deep Sea News.